MUMS DEAD

4th March I recieved a phone call from nanna that mum wasn't too good and to get up to the hospital straight away. I finally managed to get hold of Pete and go up there. When i got there mum was still in a room with other patients but with the curtains around her. I swear she had already gone then. She looked awful her head was back she had a mask on her face there were tubes everywhere and she was grey. The nurse came in and looked at her went up closer to her. I was sitting holding mums hand and the nurse reached over me touched mums neck and goes "shes passed". I lost it as did my brother. We both let out huge cries...gutwrenching sobbing. How on earth am i going to get by without her. The nurse came in and asked me if i knew how to organise a funeral. I told her i had no bloody idea my mum had never died before. Dad was standing at the end of mums bed crying. My sister took of out to the hallway and was swearing about the hospital.
We all went back to my brothers and organised a funeral place.
That night i stayed at mums and attempted to sleep on her couch with her pillow. It smelled of her and all i did was cry. One of my besties flew down from Auckland 2 hours after mum went. She came and stayed with me at mums. I attempted to do a montage of her but my flippen scanner broke.
I think at best i had 1 hours sleep that night. I had no appetite. I didn't realise you could hurt so much from losing a person.
Thurs we had Cynthia (funeral lady) coming over at 9.30am. We were all sitting at the kitchen table and she was asking about mums childhood. We got stuck on one part and i said "hold on a minute i will give mum a call and findout." I realised what i said and took of up to mums room. I sat on her bed sobbing. I attempted doing the montage again on Thursday. we were allowed to go and see mum Thursday night. I was so scared i thought she would look horrid. I was physicall shaking and hyperventilating. I walked in and had a look. I broke down in tears aagain as did my brother and dad. Mum looked great.
Again i had no sleep that night. I sat up getting her songs, montage and speech ready.
I was really dreading the funeral i was scared it was going to be a flop.
We had the crusaders theme song playing (she was a proud one eyed cantabrian) just before the celebrant started speaking. She spoke for a while then i got up to speak. That was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do. We played Alan Jacksons song "sissys song" (google it ) I put on the montage i did for mum. then we played The pretenders I'll stand by you". Finally we took her coffin out. I was a pall bearer. We took her out to amazing grace on the bagpipes.
The hardest thing i have ever had to do was watch the hearse drive away with my mum. The community watch van went in frount with flashing lights.
I just want to see mum again to hear her voice to give her a kiss. I'm so scared i'm going to forget her. When mum was well she would ring about 5 or 6 times a day.
I would walk the earth to see her one more time.