THIS IS WHAT I WROTE AND READ OUT AT MUMS FUNERAL....

Mum was one of those rare few ladies who felt sorry for anyone and everything. Throughout my time at home growing up we always had an abundance of animals and random people at our house.

We always had an extra person or two here staying.

Mum suffered from sleep apnoea and doing so created many an embarrassing moment for us. I remember going to our form 3 introduction night at high school. There was myself, my aunty, my cousin Damian and mum. We stupidly sat in the front row. About a quarter of the way through we hear this horrendous snoring. Mum had fallen asleep. Damian, Aunt Jo and myself shot right down the other end of the row and sat there giggling like little school girls. Now mums snoring was enough to wake the dead. She got admitted to hospital once and was in a ward she woke up in the morning and she was in the recovery room….her snoring was so loud she kept everyone awake.

Mum sleep apnoea caused other problems as well. I had a friend over staying we were woken in the middle of the night to mum mumbling away to herself sitting at the kitchen table naked. Next minute we hear her scream “Lawrie” at the top of her voice and a cup of coffee goes flying across the lounge room. She was sleepwalking/talking. She also used to fall asleep doing mundane things like eating her tea, going to the toilet and OMG my teacher interviews. I had a teacher interview mum is sitting there talking to my teacher who was saying what a star pupil I was next minute you hear the telltale snoring. I felt about 2 inches tall. Another night I hear “Lawrie lawrie I’m on fire” she had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette in bed and dropped the smoke onto the duvet which had caught fire.

Mum was fiercely protective of her children and thought nothing of going to confront the local bully who had smacked me in the jaw. We nearly lost Jamie when he was baby I think because of that mum was almost over protective of us. I remember having blood tests when I was 14. Mum arrived the next day at the front gate of my high school in her most loudest voice she told all around and myself that my blood results had come back…. Nicotine had shown up in my blood results and I was allergic to it and I was in bloody trouble and to get my backside home. She marched behind me home and every time I slowed down she kicked my backside, whilst my friends namely Kim walked behind mum sniggering. I only found out in later years she had found a box of cigarette butts under my bed and had lied to me. We were her life.

My cousin Kelly and I got mum drunk one night. Now mum was not a drinker at all. We gave her wild turkey and each glass had more and more wild turkey and less coke. We all decided to go for a walk down to the grave yard slightly over drunk by now. We were in the graveyard and mum saw a car passing by she promptly dropped to her stomach and hid behind a gravestone. She then got up and ran home. The rest of us ambled home and saw mum sitting underneath my bedroom window in the garden with her arms and legs crossed. We got her inside and put her up against the kitchen bench where she constantly kept on slipping down the cupboards. I ended up throwing a blanket over and going to bed. That was the one and only time I ever saw her drunk.

At 17 I got pregnant with Shakayla my partner took off and if it wasn’t for mum and dad and their brilliant support Shakayla wouldn’t be here. Mum was holding my hand when Shakayla was born by c section she was the first person to hold her and kiss her. She idolized her and couldn’t wait until she had more grandchildren. I got pregnant with Brydee 8 years later and then had wee Jordan. Again mum was there every step of the way with me and was either on her way or in the waiting room when each child was born.

In November Jordan was diagnosed with cerebral palsy and learning difficulties mum was the first person I told. I knew she would say the right words to me. We sat and cried together with mum saying everything will be alright she will be with me every step of the way. 4 months later mum and you have left me. I need you.

Mum thanks to Ngarie had a police scanner and would have it on 24-7. When Jamie was about 17 he had a RX7. Mum was listening to the scanner one day and heard Jamie’s name and car come over she promptly rang him and was speaking to his then girlfriend and telling her to tell Jamie to get his bloody arse home whilst the police were issuing Jamie with a ticket.

Mum was the sort of mum who liked embarrassing us kids. Mum had a stomach bug and Danielle and her were at the supermarket mum proceeded to break wind right round the supermarket and took great delight in letting poor Danielle take the blame for it. They got in the car and Danielle started shrieking “don’t you dare crap in my car” I pretty sure mum wet herself and then crapped her pants. Danielle was not impressed.

Mum created so many memories for us kids. We used to go camping every year. One year when I was about 24 we were out camping and someone had a nifty fifty mum decided she would like a go she got on the bike revved it up like a big child and proceeded to ride straight towards the river screaming like a banshee revving it up more. She had her legs sticking right out and went and crashed right in the bushes. I nearly wet myself laughing at the sight of her. She wasn’t hurt thank god.

Mum was devasted when Jamie went to Canada on his OE and her last words to him “for god’s sake Jamie don’t get involved with a Canadian bird”. Jamie arrived back a year later with Janice who was later on to become his fiancée. Mum had a special spot for Janice and has grown to love her and rely on her to keep Jamie in line.

Mum has been in and out of hospital for the last year when I got the call yesterday I thought it was no different to any other time. I was shocked to see her and I will never forget the nurses words of “she’s passed” the 4^th of the March has been and will ever be the worst day of my life.

Mum you have raised 3 fantastic children if I do say so myself. I don’t know who I will ring now when I want a chat. You were on of the most caring, supportive, stubborn, sweet, funniest ladies I have had the pleasure of knowing.

I am privileged that I was chosen as your daughter. I don’t know how I am going to cope without you.

Mum I love and miss you more than you will ever ever know. Until we meet again mum sleep sweetly and watch over us all.

Your job here is done.