life really sucks sometimes.

Jordy got discharged from the dietician last month. We had his paed appointment yesterday Pete and i really thought he would be discharged from the paed as well.
His weight was 9.65kg so he had lost 300gms in a month. The paed kept looking at Jordy funny and asking me to do things with him like getting him to throw a ball and trying to make him walk. She also noticed like we have that his right foot turns out. She also mentioned his hand that just hangs there. She asked me what i thought about Jordan. I was honest with her and said i have always felt there was something not quitre right with Jordy but i couldnt put my finger on it. I said how another paed had mentioned CP and she said thats what she thinks Jordy has. She also mentioned another disorder but i can't for the life of me remember the name of it.
I was talking to mybubbarox this morning and said how i can't help but blame myself for him having it. I wondered whether the polyhydramnios had caused it hehe she told me not to be silly and that i hadn't caused it. Thanks Kel!!!
At this stage we don't know how bad Jordy is but we will get through it. Its not the life i want for my son but we will cope. I keep thinking of this poem and it seems so true.

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

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